His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
