sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
you made out with another girl for some wings
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
