it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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