so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
no you cant smoke seaweed
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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