just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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