Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Couch. On fire.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
