I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
