why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
