sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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