Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
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Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
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Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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