belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
