he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
