my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
