I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
sarcasm needs its own font
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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