GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
