I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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