you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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