he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i think my cat just said my name.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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