is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
