i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
