You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You took a bar mat shot.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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