Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
