I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
