after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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