Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
