I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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