He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
