how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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