Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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