Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
