Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
