the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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