Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
tell me about the fingering
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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