She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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