i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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