Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
