Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
