you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
