You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
