definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
