hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
