not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
