I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
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All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
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Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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