I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
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I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
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Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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