Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
