i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
