so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
