Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
