You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
whose parrot is this?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize