i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
