Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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