You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
