chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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