just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
