cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
