and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
