I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
