If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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