my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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