tell your sister to shave her snatch
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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