I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
