I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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