I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Randomize