Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
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Man, jail baloney is awful.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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